


His Laughter

by haseelo



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 08:19:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13520295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haseelo/pseuds/haseelo
Summary: Yoongi's having a rough day.





	His Laughter

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for death and suicide! 
> 
> In no way do I condone suicide or self-harm. I firmly believe that we were given this life because we're strong enough to see it through to the end. If you're struggling, please talk to someone! Sometimes all you need to do is ask! 

He’s been staring at the same spot for well over two hours, mind completely fuzzy. Its like he’s on a buzz, but he feels a thousand times worse. Namjoon pokes his head through the door. The leader has dark circles under his eyes from exhaustion and stress. They all bear the physical signs of stress, now more than ever. None of them are really eating, none of them seem to have any real will to do anything. It hits Yoongi especially hard. He’s become a robot, eyes empty and hollow, a reflection of what he feels inside.

“Meeting with Bang PD-nim tomorrow morning,” Namjoon reminds him softly. Yoongi gives no indication that he even hears this, eyes fixed on some empty space in front of him. Once the smaller rapper gets into one of these trances, Namjoon knows there’s nothing he can do, so he closes the door and treads back into the room he shares with Jin.

The quiet click of the door snaps Yoongi out of his trance and he draws the blanket from him lap up to his face where he inhales deeply. The scent is very faint. If Yoongi didn’t try to distinguish the smell he’s looking for, he wouldn’t have smelt it. It was like this with all of the other’s belongings. Yoongi had smothered himself with so much of the other’s belongings in the beginning. It was all so familiar to him, so precious. And now slowly but surely it all began to slip away. The blanket that lay on his lap was the last thing that still held a fraction of his scent. And now even that was fading.

Just like him. The thought of him brings tears to his eyes and a small smile to his chapped lips. Yoongi can barely remember how the other laughed anymore, its been so long. He still recalls his dongsaeng’s face, where the smile lines were.

But he could no longer hear him laugh.

Blank eyes look around the room they shared together for so many years. And he feels the first tear slip from his eye.

_I miss you._  The words swirl around his otherwise blank mind, with nowhere to go but round and round the empty space. Yoongi doesn’t voice these words out loud. He’s never been good at that. Writing them down, yes. He’s been doing that in his lyrics book for ages. But those are lyrics, and when they come out of his mouth without music, without a beat, it feels foreign. These thoughts will be known to his bandmates, no his brothers, soon. Sooner or later, they’ll find his once-precious lyric book, hidden under the pillowcase he hasn’t used in months, filled with pained words he couldn’t bring himself to utter. 

Yoongi looks at the pills lying in his palm. There are quite a few of them, now that he’s actually counting.  _10… 11…_  He stops himself from counting. There’s no point in counting. It makes the prospect of what he’s actually about to do scarier. He sees the living room light turn off through the bottom crack of their, now his, bedroom door. They won’t find him until tomorrow morning. Part of him feels guilty for leaving his brothers behind. But mostly, he just wants the pain to end.

So he downs the pills with a bottle half-emptied of water and waits. The last thing he sees is a picture of the two almost-former owners of the bedroom, arms slung casually around each other, easy smiles on their faces. His surroundings fade to black, and through the darkness, Yoongi finally hears the sound he’s been waiting for. His laugh. A welcoming sound, lilting and sweet, reaching out from the dark.

He won’t see Jin shut down completely, won’t see the pain behind Namjoon’s eyes as he tries to pull himself together for the younger ones. He won’t be there to see Taehyung weep endlessly, nor witness Hoseok’s descent into anorexia. He won’t even see Jungkook pushing at his body, begging through a cracking voice for him to wake up. No, he’d be too far gone.

All Yoongi sees now is the darkness opening up for him to enter, and from its depths, his dongsaeng, laughing happily.

_Jimin-ah, I missed you._


End file.
